There was someone watching me..... Although He looked familiar, there was something different about his image that looked strange. Something new maybe, or something he'd changed. I was sure I knew him, I just didn't know from where, or from when. We were in studio six of the Northern School of contemporary dance in Leeds. I had the absolute pleasure of meeting Gary Clarke and Lyndsey Thomas for the first time. We'd gone to rehearse for a piece we are performing at West Yorkshire Playhouse on the seventeenth July. The school itself is a hive of creative activity, every corridor leading to a studio or hall. Changing rooms & lockers are dotted anywhere possible, with little wooden shoe racks outside each space. You can feel the energy when you step inside the building. Every other corner has someone either stretching, twirling or creating a movement, deep in thought, perfecting details while others are just slumped on the floor recharging with a snack. Watching Lyndsey dance blew me away, her every move was performed with such a conviction to precision and emotion. In the short time we managed to squeeze out of Gary's busy schedule, we sat for a while & reflected a little on our own personal recoveries & feelings towards the piece we were rehearsing. The ' Heart ' was frequently mentioned in all of our individual responses, so Gary suggested an exercise. We stood in a line side-by side & closed our eyes. We were to place our our hands over our hearts, stop, listen and feel the rhythm of our beating hearts. I started small, my fingernails on each hand met whilst my fingertips gently tapped my chest. Be-Bum, Be-Bum. I had the image of a butterfly flapping its wings on my chest before it takes flight, growing bigger as it fluttered, each time it returned stronger with a vibrancy that shone and my whole body pulsed. Arms & legs stretch as long as I could make them, yet not big enough. I wanted more of this feelin, i wanted to fill the room, to fill the sky, to encompass everyone & everything with it. A little breeze reminded me that I was next to Lyndsey, so I slowly peeked through one eye to make sure I wasn't interfering with her space. The line was gone and with a quick glance I saw everyone in such amazing shapes, engrossed & savouring every beat. The smile on my face was uncontained. I was beaming like a Cheshire cat. In that instance i had a series of flashback's from moments in my life when i had ever sensed euphoria, true love or real happiness. As soon as the thought of comparing those times to this feeling registered in my head, it was gone like a flash. There were no comparisons to be had, it felt better and I wasn't willing to sacrifice another second of this precious moment by thinking about it. I didnt need to think, to opionate or analyse this. For the first time in my life i felt safe, unjudged, free & content. There were no dues to be paid, no rules to be met, no fear of danger or guard to keep up. This was free, honest & open. I didnt have to worry myself with thoughts of consequences, of hangovers & come downs, or whether the last one may have been that ' one to many '. All i had to do was enjoy. Be-Bum, Be-Bum. Unfortunately, time wouldnt wait for us forever, so Gary asked us to start bringing it back in. Slowly making our movements and gestures smaller with each beat. I felt my butterflys wings coming back to my chest as its rhythm became more & more delicate. Returning back to its small gentle tap of my fingertips over my heart, I opened my eyes. Somehow the line had found its former shape and thats the moment i saw him, that guy, looking straight at me smiling. It took me a while to start looking people in the eyes again, i'd spent years hiding my windows to the soul. Only ever giving people a glimpse when my pupils were the size of saucers or rolling round the back of my head. Although i've been seeing myself in mirrors on occasions for some time now, since my self esteem & confidence starting growing again. I didnt recognise my own reflection because i was different somehow. Something had changed. It took me a minute or two to realise what it was that was new, that had comeback, something i hadnt seen for a long, long time. I looked healthy, my face had colour in it, i wasnt shaking anymore with bloodshot eyes on the floor, head down. But these things weren't that new, they'd returned bit by bit a while ago. What was new, which made me look like someone i nearly didnt recognise was my smile. What a difference. What a day. A gigantic thankyou to everyone at Risen, Gary Clarke & Lyndsey Thomas. With Love from Tony | Andrew Millar was so inspired by our day that he wrote a Japanese haiku. Clasped whispering beat Each angels unfolded heart Surrendered to dance |
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AuthorMy name is Alison Parry and I'm a member of Risen dance theatre which is a peer led group, we are advocates of recovery and perform at different venues around the uk. Archives
July 2015
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